Tag Archives: love

Lunch Box Notes

Written 1/28/2015

Lunch box notes or ANY kind of sweet note for that matter, are always a nice “you’re special to me” way to make someone smile. It’s a simple gesture often taken for granted and yet, one that can bring a world of smiles to someone who might be having a bad day.

Coincidentally, I had the same conversation with a man friend telling him how it makes me feel good to send flirty, good morning/ good night messages. It even feels good to send a message that just says you’re thinking about the other person or a joke to make them laugh because, again – you never know what kind of day they are having. Receiving a “note” lets that person know they are cared about and it can change a sour mood into a more pleasant one.

Today, I received an, “I love you & have a good day” lunch box note from chick #3. One simple note made my day and while I sat there eating my lunch, taking a much needed break from all the information overload, I realized there was no way she know I was stressed and on the brink of tears and I thought – I done good with this kid!

Is it a Sign? Is it just Corny? Or is it just a Corny Sign?

I’ve been playing this out in my head all afternoon but sometimes it’s just difficult to articulate the thoughts in my head.  So here goes…

Since the day you appeared under my balcony, my heart beats a little faster, there’s a little more swag in my step, my face lights up when you’re around, and my body burns with desire. My mind often wanders to you – thinking about holding, touching, and kissing or wow! I just can’t believe you chose me.

…and it’s the latter that often has my doubts climbing sky high and then waiting for them to come crashing through the floor. I expect it. I wait for it. I don’t want to give in to them but try as I might, I can’t completely shake the case of the stomach knotting doubts. Why? I suppose it’s because I trust too easily and then discover that the truths I’ve been told and believe haven’t always been the truth…and I get hurt.

Today, was one of those days where someone else planted a seed of doubt. My face lit up when you snuck in to say hello and revealed more than what I had intended. I know I flushed. I couldn’t stop smiling. It was so obvious. When she realized what was going on, my “friend” shared something about you with me. She wasn’t aware that you had already told me but still the seed was planted and the nagging doubt crept in like a wisteria vine that sneakily creeps, overcomes, and conquers. My stomach churned, fog clouded my mind, and even though you and I had already discussed this very piece of information, my heart sank and I just knew, this was the floor giving way because maybe – just maybe – there was more to this “truth” than what you had said.  Stomach knotted, I finished out my day by trying to stay busy. Unfortunately, that meant I kept bumping in to you. On any other day, that would have been exactly what I wanted. But today, I couldn’t say anything to you about the destructive thoughts taking over my brain and all I wanted, was to ask for some reassurance so that they would flee. So I figured I’d suffer against the cold for a few moments of alone time by preparing for afternoon dismissal. And as I was walking back along the road, there you were – Again!  I watched you leave and then spent my 45 minute drive home alone with my own thoughts.  You know the kind? Thoughts so loud they drown out the radio. Thoughts that obscure the landscape. Thoughts that bounce from this and that, trying to piece bits and pieces of conversations together. Replaying – over and over again. Thoughts that berate and chastise.  Calling me a fool. Telling me to wake up. Saying things like – idiot, you’ve been down THIS road before. What’s wrong with you?!

…and then, in a singular moment, somewhere between Wake up you fool! and I  can’t believe this! – I heard a faint and barely audible, “Romeo save me…” I shook my head because I wasn’t quite sure what I had heard. My radio was turned way down and with the wind whipping my car, even if I wanted to hear what was playing, I couldn’t.  Puzzled, I turned up the radio to hear Taylor Swift’s, Love Story and the flood of tears I was holding back, finally let loose. I shook my head, laughing and crying. But not because of doubts and my own insecurities. But because I know God works in mysterious ways and there are always signs. You just have to be open and receive them.  On a side note, Bruce in Bruce Almighty cracks me up when he’s oblivious to the signs he’s asking for. Duh! Ask for a sign and get a truck full of signs. Hell -ooo!

It may be a little corny to think that hearing that line at that very moment was anything other than coincidence but I honestly feel I was meant to hear it because I needed to.

Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone…

… It’s a love story, baby just say yes

Raging Fire

Sometimes a certain song just seems to sing to your heart and soul. I love Phillip Phillip’s music, his persona, and all around sound. And, if you happened to watch season 11 of American Idol, who could forget his Thriller audition? Absolutely amaz- ing!

This evening, I was driving home, beat boppin’ to the radio jams, and was also thinking about my Romeo admirer when Raging Fire drew me back from my wandering thoughts. The lyrics are so powerful and hit home. Maybe not for everyone – but definitely for me. I hope everyone finds that raging fire within themselves and surrenders to your love’s heart. I know I have.

~ SE

New Year Surprises

It’s New Year’s eve and somehow, even though I know it’s absurd, I always have this romantic notion that it should always be spent with the one you love. It’s a symbol of the love that lies ahead for the new year and it says – I choose you. I want to be with you. I love you. But of course, I have to vigorously shake myself awake and then come to terms with the reality of the situation.  Another year gone. Another year ahead. And no one special to share it with…

Just yet…

She sees him. His deep, brown eyes fixed on her, twinkling with desire as they caress her curves. He beams a broad, toothy smile and almost appears to stand taller, straighter, puffed out, proud – as if to say “hey, check me out “. As she draws nearer, his hungry gaze lingers longer than normal. Is more direct. Almost intrusive. Ravenous. He’s longing for some reaction, a sign, a signal telling him to proceed with the unspoken flirtation. Meeting his intense gaze, she shyly returns the smile and then quickly averts her liquid, blue eyes. The heat begins as a slow creeping in her toes. Coursing through her long legs, causing them to ache and throb. Her abdomen burns with fire and as the searing heat rushes upward, she’s certain the blood red fire flushing her chest and face has exposed her secret passion for him. Her breath catches. Their eyes lock.

And he knows.

“…Heart is beating loud, she doesn’t want it to stop

Moving too fast, moon is lighting up her skin

She’s falling, doesn’t even know it yet

Having no regrets is all that she really wants

We’re only getting older, baby and I’ve been thinking about you lately. Does it ever drive you crazy?

Just how fast the night changes

Everything that you’ve ever dreamed of disappearing when you wake up

But there’s nothing to be afraid of

Even when the night changes

It will never change me and you…”                           One Direction

Barefooted, she gingerly steps onto the icy cold concrete of her tiny balcony. She momentarily stands there in the darkness. Eyes closed. Quietly listening to the street sounds. Breathing in the crisp night air. Finally, opening her eyes, she exhales a silent sigh. He must have been quietly watching her as she stood there in the cold darkness. Nervous and anxious. Gift in hand. Unable to speak for fear of startling her. Is it karma or fateful Divine intervention? Because he suddenly appeared under her balcony looking like a love struck Romeo pledging his everlasting love to Juliet. His gesture sincerely surprises her and genuinely touches her heart. Giddy, she accepts his gift and without hesitating, warmly hugs him.  …

Secret passions coming to fruition.

Where do they go from here?



Careless Love

Originally written in The W(H)INE Monologue April 2014

An old blog I wrote but never posted…

For some, expressions of love are simply expected tokens taken for granted. For others, expressions of love are insignificant and forgotten. One is equally bad as the other because they both represent just how careless people are with their love and those they claim to love.

Careless love #1 – The sweet, sweet boy presents his beautiful girl with a dozen pink tipped roses as a gesture of Valentine’s love. She hungrily grabs the roses and beams a toothy, joyful smile. Eyes twinkling, she crushes her face into the bouquet and inhales their intoxicating and rosy scent. She girlishly tells her beau, “Thank you” with a kiss on the cheek.

She’s enamored by the attention and his affectionate gesture and yet, when she arrives home, she carelessly tosses the roses on her unmade bed. She rushes here and there, hurriedly preparing for a sleep over with her friend and bolts out the door. There they lay, discarded among her clothes, in their clear cellophane wrapper, thirsty for a love’s touch and a quenching vase of water.

Careless love #2 – He wakes early, softly whispers, “Happy Valentine’s Day” and warmly wraps his arms around her before falling fast asleep. She lies there thinking, “maybe this time he’s actually bought a card or splurged on a bouquet of wild flowers”. She’s not the rose type of girl but wild flowers brighten her mood just as much as they cheer up any room. With excited thoughts of the day ahead, she snuggles into his arms and sleeps a little longer.

Later, she wakes and gingerly places his Valentine card on his desk. Like an excited child on Christmas morning, she searches the house for some sort of Valentine token. Is it here? Is it there? Where can it be? There’s nothing…and as she goes about her morning routines, she’s plagued by the attempt to rationalize his thoughtlessness and her heart breaks just a little bit more.

Have you ever noticed the symbolism between the Valentine Cupid, his nasty, flesh piercing arrows and the realities of love’s pain? I mean really! The person who coined the phrase “struck by Cupid’s arrow” has a seriously twisted, warped, and sadistic sense of humor. He …or she…was obviously quite familiar with the panging pains of love.

Whether it’s old or new, love is painful. Sometimes that barbed arrow neatly grazes the surface, leaving a stinging flesh wound in its wake. Other times, the dagger thrusts in deep, lodging itself in the most tender of places. In either case, once that bull’s eye searching arrow hits its mark, the pain felt from love’s first embrace is nothing compared to the flesh ripping arrow extraction.

Careless love #2 continued – Distraught, she succumbs to the hurt, pain, and anger of not just one misplaced Valentine gesture but the many…many overlooked, neglected, and seemingly unimportant gestures and tokens of love and affection. The tidal wave of heart wrenching pain rushes over her. She sobs, realizing all the “tokens” have always come from her. She says the “I love you’s.” She never misses a moment to warmly greet him with a kiss when she gets home from work. She hugs him. She touches him. Smiles at him. She holds his hand. She makes his morning coffee and expresses her love in so many ways that he doesn’t. As she fights back the tears, she chides herself and in her head, “This is STUPID! I’m upset about VALENTINE’S Day?!”

But it isn’t just about THIS day. It’s about the other 365 gesture-less days, too. It’s about feeling just as insignificant as the carelessly tossed roses. It’s his lack of affection and attention and his inability or unwillingness to demonstrate his love in a way other than buying stuff that means more to him than to her.

It’s about how careless his love really is.