Category Archives: LOL Moments

Why would I want TWO baked potatoes?

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And…it’s another Food post!  Haha!

My foodie picture addiction began a few years back after a friend added me to a Facebook food group. The whole group is just a bunch of positive folks who love sharing their delight in cooking, sharing recipes, posting mouth-watering pics, and talking to other food apprecianados. So there you have it.  I’m a food groupie! And I’m proud of it!

Summer holidays have come and gone and it appears every summer holiday is an opportunity to BBQ. Who am I to argue with that? It seems logical.  Summer. Heat.  Grilling. It all goes hand in hand, right? Actually,  the beer goes in hand.  The food…in mouth. But you get the point.

Anyway, chick #3 has been under the weather and chick #2 was beach bound with her buds. That means I get to decide what’s for dinner without the sibling bickering about who likes or dislikes what. It also means the food I make will get eaten. Not left in some reused container, taking up space in the refrigerator.

As I pilfered through the pantry and fridge, I would grab this or that and basically make suggestions to the baby chick. And I began to lay out my assortment, Chick #3 half listening, with her nose in her tablet, responded, “Why would I want 2 baked potatoes?”

Seriously, kid?!

Final Menu: Grilled chicken, baked potato, and summer squash medley.

 

 

 


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The Day I Lost “IT”

Preface:

This is a Chick #3 original. For her summer lit project, she was instructed to pick from 3 prompts and write an essay which is due right in the middle of summer break. Originally none of the prompts appealed to her because they all seemed sappy or emotional and she’s not really the kind of kid who enjoys writing about emotional things…unless, of course, there’s a little bit of dark humor attached. She ultimately chose the prompt stating she needed to write about something important she lost but still struggled with the idea of writing about loss. Anyway since she is visiting grandpa and Anna for the summer, she had roughly 2 weeks to write this 750 word essay but instead, she sloughed about, moped, and whined about it for almost a full week until I mentioned an incredibly hysterical incident where she lost her temper. By the time I came home from work, this is what she had written. I hope you enjoy… ~S.


 

The Day I Lost “IT”

A certain person cannot hold onto the raging fire of Hell within themselves after taking a beating after beating …after beating from a low life, such as a rotten sibling. It has to come out eventually. And in this case, there was an explosion. I know what you’re going to say,” Aren’t all siblings troublesome?” I would answer a simple “yes”, but that would not even suffice to the situation. This brings it to a whole new level. It’s no longer picking and bickering that results in wearing a “get along shirt”, but to the level of taking belongings and antagonizing each other to the point of breaking. Sounds like fun, right? Well, not when you’re on the receiving end and you can’t do anything to stop or prevent it from happening. As the youngest sister of three, being the target was easier than standing up for myself. However, one can only take so much before snapping and losing “IT”, while taking a baby stroller to a once beloved sister. Oh wait, we’re getting off topic. We’ll get there.

One day, out of the blue, the wretched queen of sibling misery showed up with her posse of guards. Surrounded and petrified, I stood there with a shy demeanor and clutched my stuffed dog, Oreo. As if me fearfully clutching the dog wasn’t signal enough, the queen attacked. While her guards held me in place, Oreo was plucked from my arms faster than I could scream bloody murder. I violently fought to get him back by thrashing around in her-not-so-majesty’s guards’ grasp and managed to squirm my way out of their mealy mitts, getting closer to the queen. As I advanced slowly, the queen glowered furiously and summoned her guards again. Mid stride, the queen threw Oreo to her left and from there, Oreo was a flurry of motion as he was thrown all around like a football game taking up action on the field. Seeing that the game of toss became monkey in the middle and that there was no chance of me intercepting my Oreo-ball, the queen and one of her guards, hightailed it out of there with Oreo in tow. Instantly, my mind concocted vengeful scenarios and I hoped at least one of them would pan out so I could retrieve my companion. I bolted from my spot. Speeding up on them, I tried to conceal myself within the crowd around. As I peered around a clump of passing people, determination painted itself on my face like war paint going into battle. In that moment, the queen stood alone and a chance popped up like a notification on a cell phone. Seeing my opportunity while the queen’s back was turned, I prepared to bulldoze right into her but instead, I stopped dead in my tracks. There to my left, laying a few feet away, sat a glorious toy baby stroller. I knew there was a possibility the queen would move while I retrieved my weapon, so I moved hastily. Time slowed as I swooped down to fetch the baby stroller and then with lightning speed, sped up as I swung at the queen with pent up anger for everything she ever did to me that brought misery. Pain, frustration, and anger flew through me in an instant. Remembering every tortured moment fueled me even further to keep smacking, bashing, and smacking, and more bashing until I was forced to cease fire by a passing adult.

The moments following this episode consisted of me being detained in the “Think Tank” to reflect on my hate crime but instead, I hugged Oreo and felt victorious. Later, when I was released, I sauntered up to the wretched queen and with the most crazed expression I could muster up, I hissed, “Now you know what happens when you mess with me. Want to try again?” Her face went white in terror while she profusely shook her head, “No”.

Being a fairly laid back person, it takes a lot of button pushing for me to get that angry and that was definitely the day I lost “IT”. I don’t enjoy getting mad but the incident marked a positive turning point in my relationship with my sister. She still aggravates me but in some way she also respects me more. And if she ever thinks she wants to take me on again, all I have to ask is, “baby stroller?”

~ O.

 

It’s All in the Name of Business

So I’m getting gas and I see this…

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and of course I do a double take just to make sure I read the sign right . Yup. There you have it…Hoes Bros Shaved Ice.

Even though I didn’t partake in the said Hoes Bros Shaved Ice, it did get my attention. Which is what I’m assuming the sign was meant to do. Haha!

And then I saw this one which elicited a totally different reaction…Ewwwww!!!!

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Anyway, I’m sure we’ve all seen ridiculously named businesses. Some funny. Some gross. Some sexual. Some just plain stupid. And whether you laugh or not, I’m pretty sure that once you see them, you can’t un see them!  Haha! ~ SE

More Ridiculously Named Businesses

Idiot Drivers. Beware the Road Rage Monster

I’m dedicating this section to the utterly stupid and asinine drivers whose sole purpose in life is to drive like a complete and total moron. If that’s you…the shoe might just need to kick you squarely on the backside…of your head!

Today’s rant. I can spin this one of two ways.  Following simple road signs or Beetle envy.  Hmmm. I think I’ll stick to ignorantly ignoring road signs because on these Georgian roads,  everyone has Beetle envy. That’s right. Envy the Beetle! Bwahahaha! <evil laugh>

Road signs.  They’re there for a reason.  Read them.  And freakin’ don’t act like a narcissistic dumb ass who’s not obligated to pay attention nor abide by road rules.

Every morning,  I pass through an intersection that merges immediately just through the light.  It’s posted. It’s visible and anyone with decent eyesight can see that the left lane completely vanishes because,  like I said…it merges IMMEDIATELY through the light. Duh.  What makes it worse is that this is a town literally in the middle of nowhere.  No one just passes through this neck of the woods and if they are,  they’re a commuter and fully aware of the merging lane.

This morning, just like any other, I’m stopped at the dreaded light and of course, the guy behind me switches to the vacant but merging, left lane. It chapped my ass immediately and mostly because I can see this macho country truck driver slowly creeping forward. Seriously? I’m in a Beetle! It really isn’t necessary to prove you have honkin’ truck kahunas just so you can zip past me and squeeze me out on the road. Oooooo! Let me bow down to your truck-holiness. Idiot.

So. There we were.  Me – chapped ass. Him – gas tapping and sizing me up.  I saw him. He saw me. The light switched green and I was all like, “Eat my Beetle dust, a$$hole!”   Smiling sweetly to myself, I floored it and boot scoot boogied right past that gas guzzling buffoon. Needless to say, he was in shock and hopefully a little humbled, too.

That’s right! Don’t mess with this Beetle ’cause she’ll run your derriere right over!

~SE

It’s called CRUISE CONTROL!

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Ok…so I might have a little bit of road rage.  Just a smidge. Haha! So here I am, cruising along the country back roads at a steady 60 mph and I round a corner to find myself smack up on this monster going barely 40! Holy crap, Batman! And…not only is he going a snail’s pace but he MASSIVELY protrudes into the other lane, making it difficult to see around him.  Nothing irritates me more except maybe the green beetle driving lady who REFUSES to use her CRUISE CONTROL! Seriously? ! Speed up.  Slow down.  Speed up.  Slow down.  I try to pass and she speeds up.  I get back behind her and she slows down!  By the end of my morning commute,  I’m an aggitated mess, want to slap the woman silly and scream, IT’S CALLED CRUISE CONTROL!  I’ll take the combine any day!  At least he knows how to get over so you can pass!  #countryliving
~SE

Veni, Vidi, Velcro – I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around

“Veni, Vidi, Velcro – I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around”

~ Renee “The Adopted Chick”

Thank you, Renee for turning back the hands of time just long enough to evoke a side splitting belly stitch from laughing so hard! Girl! You cray cray and this mama hen loves your spunk, ingenuity, wit, tenacity, and stick-with-itness!

See what Sticking around like Velcro gets you?

I Had Fun … Playing with my Chicken

Chick #3 and I decided to get Chinese food for dinner. Of course she always has something interesting to say or comment on.  First,  she told me that her friends thought she was high or drunk. To which she responded…that’s not possible.  She’s been sick this week fighting congestion,  sore throat,  and a hoarse voice and being that she’s already kind of ditzy, I think the lack of oxygen has made it worse. She didn’t think it was too funny that her friends compared her allergy situation to the effects of drugs or that they called her a drunk squirrel because her voice kept squeaking.  I, on the other hand, can see the humor in this because she’s really been out of it. Then,  she suddenly jumped to sewing a chicken!  Haha! And this is where I actually started paying attention to her story.  Yes!  I admit it! I don’t always listen to every single word because this Chick will talk forever!  Apparently,  she was feeling a bit loopy and went into a fit of oxygen deprived laughter during sewing class because she was sewing her chicken’s… crotch.  Don’t ask.  I’m still confused as to why they are making a chicken in sewing class.  WTH?! Hmmmm.

Liv Quotables

“So, I told my friends you bought me cinnamon squares. And they literally  thought you bought me squares of cinnamon. Duh.”

Awkward Compliments

Yesterday was one of THOSE days. You know the kind. The one where nothing is quite going right.

I woke up with a headache, my sciatica was killing me – literally, the man friend was unable to come by, one of my football teams lost, AND the new (used) dryer I bought worked all for…30 seconds. Yes. 30 FLIPPIN’ SECONDS and then it just died. No power. Kaput! Zilch! Nada! So I did what any non-repair person would do. Called Lowe’s, told them the issue – and they directed me to their Customer Care 1-888 # crap. Seriously?! I haven’t had the dryer for 2 hours and it worked for 30 SECONDS! Are you kidding me?! And to top that off, Customer Care is only open M-F.  Of course they are! So, I ended my Sunday on a very sour note. Screamed at the TV, took some sinus medication, talked to the man friend (which was the best part of the day), and crawled into bed.

Today is a Holiday. So, right off – it’s already a better day than yesterday. But…

First thing, I called that Lowe’s 1-888 # only to be told that the dryer was purchased “as is”. Ummm – pretty sure that’s a load of horse shit. The kind woman tried to tell me that there was a 30 day return policy but that the manufacturer warranty would only be good from the original purchase date. The funny thing was that she never asked for the Model or Serial #s. So how would she know if it was still under warranty or not? Additionally, the dryer had an electrical repair that would also be under warranty. Electrical repair + dryer not getting any power = coincidence? I don’t think so. Anyway, after several minutes of going back and forth and her collecting my information, she tells me she’ll contact the store. The store? You mean the SAME store I called YESTERDAY who gave me the 1-888 #?!    And sure enough, less than 20 minutes pass and who calls? The Lowe’s where I purchased the dryer! This gentleman asks me if it’s ok to send out his delivery guys again “just to check to make sure they didn’t install it incorrectly”? Sure. Knock your socks off. I mean, seriously even I know how to check the breaker box, make sure it’s plugged in, check to see if the door is latched shut, and even check the plug its self. But hey! Go for it!  A couple hours later, two delivery men arrive. “Hello. Lowe’s sent me to look at your dryer. I’m not really a “repairman” but I’ll take a look and see what I can find.”  Listen here, Mister. I didn’t ask for them to send you back to look at the damn thing. After the run around, I actually told the guy at the store to just come get the POS because clearly no one wants to fix the issue – I didn’t say this but it was right there, hanging on my tongue ready to be viperously spit out if this knuckle head said anything deserving of my wrath. Thankfully he didn’t and was actually quite helpful. I still have the dryer and they are going to repair it. Yay!

So, the main point of this post was “awkward compliments”. How can it be awkward compliments when it’s related to a lemon dryer? Well, today’s delivery guy asked to look at the breaker box. Now mind you, you have to walk through my entire apartment to get to the laundry area. Pass through the living and dining areas, past the girl’s room, down the hall, into the girl’s vanity and to the laundry closet. There’s an adjoining bathroom between the girl’s vanity and mine and you can see my vanity and my bedroom because all the doors were open.

Back to the breaker box. It’s in my bedroom. So I walked him to the corner of the room and as I was turning, he complimented my bed! “Oh, I REALLY like that bed.”  I politely thanked him and quickly backed towards the door. Sorry dude but if you’re going to compliment the bed you need to build up to that. You know. Compliment the living room, the pictures on the wall, how clean my home is and then maybe – just maybe, it would be reasonably ok to compliment my bedroom set. But you just don’t go straight for the bed plunge!

Good grief! I mean seriously, AWKWARD moment!!

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Mom! You just RUINED my mind!

Chick #3 has a way with words. I RUINED her mind. I ruined her mind. Sheesh. Settle down already. Such Drama!

The chick has been obsessed with another Netflix series – Bones. I’ll admit the show is fairly decent and when I am watching an episode with her, I pretty much enjoy it. It’s just not a series I feel I can sit and veg to. It’s interesting and all but not like Breaking Bad. Nope. Not anywhere close to it at all.  And since Chick #3 is so willing to volunteer episode details, (even when not asked) I really don’t have to watch it. Now do I?

Today’s episode report was pretty interesting because as Liv says, “It was about role playing. You do know what that is? Right, mom?” As if I know what that is – wow! So I said, “Role playing? You mean where the girl pretends to be someone like – Alice in Wonderland and the guy is the Mad Hatter?” Now mind you, this wasn’t me being a smart ass. I was genuinely being serious because I really wasn’t exactly sure what SHE meant by role playing. She immediately retorted, “EWWWW! MOM! You just RUINED my mind!”  To which, I now can’t stop giggling.

Ok Liv, so tell me what the episode was about then because I’m clearly confused about what your definition of role playing is. She then begins to tell me this story about how the men were acting like horses and the women would ride them and how one women killed her horse. This was on Bones?! Women jockeys and men ponies?! How was what I said any more mind ruining than this episode? In fact, I think men ponies might be a little higher up on the mind scarring side. Good grief, kid!

That’s it! No more Bones for you!

However, if you’re interested in learning more about men ponies, women jockeys, and S&M -> Bones S3 Death in the Saddle

~ SE